My life is nothing like I had imagined.
As you go through life meeting people and experiencing different things, you form a sort of mental “Do’s & Don’ts” list. You have things you want to do again a million times, habits and attitudes you see others practice that you’d like to practice yourself. You also see and experience things you never want to repeat. Things you never want to do or habits you never want to pick up. All the while, you’re shaping your future self.
I had a very clear idea of my future self. I had practical short term goals. Idealistic long term goals. Steps that would ultimately lead me to my dream career with a dream salary in a dream city.
And then I met Dylan.
See, falling in love is a tricky thing that I’ll go in depth about another time. But essentially, priorities shift. Learning to trust someone completely stirs up something spiritual and for the first time in a long time, I decided to pay more attention to that Spirit. Doing so, has made me question every goal and plan I had.
Choosing to listen to that Spirit was terrifying for me. It felt a lot like ignorant dangerous trust and that’s exactly what it was. Whether or not you’re a person of faith, I believe we all have that “gut feeling” and that it comes from something good and intentional. Which made me a little more willing to follow it once I started paying attention.
And somehow, I have been able to become comfortable in this place of unknowing. I don’t have my dream job, but I love the people I work with. I don’t have my dream salary, but I have more than I need. And now, I am living in a city that truly is a dream. Just one I didn’t know was mine.
I still have no idea what I’m doing, and I won’t pretend that I do. But I like who I’ve become, and I think that’s more important. So for now, I’m going to use this space to dig deeper into my passions and to give myself some creative space. We’re going to discuss music, politics, pop culture, and pointless Facebook videos.